Category: 01 Consultants jokes

To impress a client

I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks
ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner,
enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also
flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late. Well, being a
straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman,
introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."
"Yes?" "I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, "and I'm
waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she
arrives as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi, Ray,'?"
"Sure." I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat. About ten
minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk
business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill
Gates. "Hi, Ray," he said. I replied, "Go away, Gates, I'm in a meeting."

Two consultants

A McKinsey Consultant and an Andersen Consultant are sitting next to each other
on a long flight from LA to NY. The McKinsey Consultant leans over to the
Andersen Consultant and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Andersen
Consultant just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to
the window to catch a few winks. The McKinsey Consultant persists and explains
that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains "I ask you a question,
and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question,
and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."

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For the greater good.

Karl Marx:
It was an historical inevitability.

Thomas de Torquemada:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it

Oliver North:
National security was at stake.

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A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed
that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and
utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked
around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

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