Category: 01 Consultants jokes
To impress a client
I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks
ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner,
enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also
flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late. Well, being a
straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman,
introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."
"Yes?" "I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, "and I'm
waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she
arrives as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi, Ray,'?"
"Sure." I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat. About ten
minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk
business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill
Gates. "Hi, Ray," he said. I replied, "Go away, Gates, I'm in a meeting."
Two consultants
A McKinsey Consultant and an Andersen Consultant are sitting next to each other
on a long flight from LA to NY. The McKinsey Consultant leans over to the
Andersen Consultant and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Andersen
Consultant just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to
the window to catch a few winks. The McKinsey Consultant persists and explains
that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains "I ask you a question,
and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question,
and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Plato:
For the greater good.
Karl Marx:
It was an historical inevitability.
Thomas de Torquemada:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it
take.
Oliver North:
National security was at stake.
Spoon
A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an
organization...
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed
that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and
utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked
around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
麥X錫顧問公司
麥X錫顧問公司
有一個牧羊人在草地上趕著一群羊，忽然間有一輛敞篷跑車開進他的牧場，駛到他的身邊停下來，駕駛者是一個全身名牌服飾的年輕人。
年輕人對牧羊人說：「如果我能準確地算出你這一群羊的數目，你可以送我一隻羊嗎？」
牧羊人看了一眼他的密密麻麻的成千羊群，勉強同意：「好吧！」
於是年輕人拿出他的筆記型電腦和可以照相攝影的電話手機，用汽車喇叭驅趕一些密集的羊群，讓它們移動一下。然後利用衛星探測系統、無線上網、及遠端資料庫與知識系統，加上模式的處理和運算，最後印出一份5頁紙的報告。