To impress a client

I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks
ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner,
enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also
flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late. Well, being a
straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman,
introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."
"Yes?" "I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, "and I'm
waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she
arrives as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi, Ray,'?"
"Sure." I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat. About ten
minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk
business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill
Gates. "Hi, Ray," he said. I replied, "Go away, Gates, I'm in a meeting."

Two consultants

A McKinsey Consultant and an Andersen Consultant are sitting next to each other
on a long flight from LA to NY. The McKinsey Consultant leans over to the
Andersen Consultant and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Andersen
Consultant just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to
the window to catch a few winks. The McKinsey Consultant persists and explains
that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains "I ask you a question,
and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question,
and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."

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You know You graduated from b-school

1. You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.
2. You decide to re-org your family into a "team-based organization."
3. You refer to dating as test marketing.
4. You understand your airline's fare structure.
5. You write executive summaries on your love letters.
6. You think that it's actually efficient to write a ten page paper with
six other people you don't know.
7. You believe you never have problems in your life, just "issues" and
"improvement opportunities."
8. You know every single piece of clip art in PowerPoint.
9. You calculate your own personal cost of capital.
10. You explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself
as "highly leveraged" as opposed to "in debt."

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For the greater good.

Karl Marx:
It was an historical inevitability.

Thomas de Torquemada:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it

Oliver North:
National security was at stake.

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A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed
that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and
utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked
around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

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How to make a story using 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 and 10

This was an assignment for a student who is taking English as a second
language. Keep this in mind when reading this one. Lim Ah Toy, a Chinese
student, was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and
10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This
is what he came up with.

"1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But couple saw me, so
I panic and 4 down. The man rush out and want to 5 with me. I run until I
feel 6 and throw up. I go to 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I
took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he run away. So, I put the 9 back and
pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6.
He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also
ask me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I so nice 2 him but
I don't know what he 1. THE END."

and Lim Ah Toy graduated from his ESL class with honor.

Eating grass

One afternoon, a well-to-do lawyer was riding in his shiny limousine
when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to
investigate the situation.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We HAVE TO

The lawyer then said, "Well, then, you can come with me to my house
and I'll feed you!"

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over
there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he said, "You come with us, too."

The second man said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children
with me!"

"Bring them all!" the lawyer answered. They all jammed into the huge

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

Genuinely touched, the lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really
love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"



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笑話 Jokes

# 有一日,蛇、螞蟻、蜘蛛、蜈蚣幾個人在家?搓麻將。8圈之後,煙抽完了。大家商量讓誰去買煙。







# 一 位 富 翁 想 娶 一 名 歌 星 為 妻 ,
但 他 為 安 全 起 見 , 僱 用 了 一 個 私 家 偵 探 ,
仔 細 偵 查 該 歌 星 過 去 的 交 友 情 形 和 現 在 的 生 活 狀 況 。

一 個 月 後 , 偵 探 的 調 查 報 告 送 來 了 。

偵 探 ﹕ 「 據 查 小 美 小 姐 平 時 的 聲 譽 ,
都 是 有 口 皆 碑 , 過 往 的 生 活 也 清 白 ,
唯 一 有 損 她 的 名 譽 污 點 是 她 ? ?
最 近 與 一 名 「 下 流 的 富 商 」 有 著 親 密 的 來 往 。
# 一 隻 母 老 鼠 帶 著 幾 隻 小 老 鼠 在 草 地 裡 漫 步 ,
突 然 來 了 一 隻 貓 , 小 老 鼠 嚇 得 全 都 躲 了 起 來 ,
只 有 母 老 鼠 沉 著 冷 靜 , 沒 有 躲 開 。
遠 看 貓 越 走 越 近 , 小 老 鼠 們 非 常 害 怕 。
就 在 這 時 , 母 老 鼠 學 了 一 聲 狗 叫 ,
貓 不 知 其 中 有 詐 , 便 跑 掉 了 。
等 貓 跑 遠 了 , 小 老 鼠 一 個 個 膽 顫 心 驚 地 走 出 來 ,
望 著 它 們 的 媽 媽 。
等 所 有 的 小 老 鼠 都 到 齊 了 ,
母 老 鼠 才 語 重 心 長 地 問 ﹕
「 孩 子 們 , 現 在 知 道 學 外 語 的 重 要 嗎 ? 」

# 笑話: 下 午 茶

某 甲 死 後 下 地 獄 , 鬼 差 讓 他 挑 牢 房 ,
在 第 一 間 牢 屋 裡 , 甲 見 到 的 是 一 群 男 男 女 女 被 泡 在 滾 水 裡 , 燙 的 皮 開 肉 裂 。 甲 怎 也 不 肯 進 去 。

第 二 牢 房 也 好 不 到 那 去 , 裡 面 的 人 都 被 野 獸 咬 的 屍 首 分 家 , 甲 又 不 肯 。

到 了 第 三 牢 房 , 一 群 人 泡 在 深 及 腰 的 污 水 池 裡 喝 茶 , 甲 覺 得 還 可 接 受, 就 進 去 了 。

不 一 會 兒 , 鬼 差 向 大 家 宣 布 : 「 各 位 , 下 午 茶 已 結 束 , 請 恢 復 倒 立 的 姿 勢 。

# 王師傅坐公共汽車到上海市嘉定區高潮村。因沒去過所以剛過二站就開始問女售票員:?高潮到了沒有??





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