Archives for: October 2006
A lawyer married a woman
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, 'Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin.
' 'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times?'
'Well, Hu… more »
女人在8、18、28、38和48歲時有啥不同
「What's the difference between women at ages of 8, 18, 28, 38 and 48？
女人在8、18、28、38和48歲時有啥不同？」
8．You take her to bed and tell… more »
Where Babies Come From
A young female teenager runs into the house and asks her mother
"Is it true what Mandy just told me? Babies come out the same place
that boy's thingies go in?"
"Yes," replied her mother pleased that the embarassing subject had
finally come up and sh… more »
Calories of sex
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent....................... 12 Calories
Without her consent.................... 187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands........................ 8 Calories
With one hand.......................... 12 Calories… more »
How to shower...
How to Shower Like a Woman:
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your wom… more »
Woman in Coma
A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a spongebath.
One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there
is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her
husband and explain what happened, telling him, "C… more »
Why Condoms come in boxes of 3, 6 or 12
Why Condoms come in boxes of 3, 6 or 12?
A man walks into a drug store with his 13-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,
"What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called
condo… more »
Three Nuns
Nuns get admitted into Heaven through a special gate and are
expected to have one last confessional before they become angels.
Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their
last sins before they are made holy.
"And so," says… more »
The First Time
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with
her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her
boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and have sex for
the first time. Well, the boy is ec… more »
Maths
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:
Dear Wife:
You must realize that you are 54-years-old, and I have certain
needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as
a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be… more »
Guy on a date
A guy on a date parks and gets the girl in the back seat and they make love. The girl wants it again and the guy obliges her. She wants more and they do it again. She still wants more and the guy says "Excuse me a minute I have to relive myself."
While… more »
Five Hundred Bucks
Two couples were playing cards one evening. One of the husbands, Jerry,
accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the
table to pick them up, he noticed that Ray's wife Shaniqua, had her legs
spread wide, and she wasn't wea… more »
Dirty joke
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She
gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he
arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to
hers. When he does so, she begins to… more »
Be strong and I love you, too
An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of
his life sentence in prison.
While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had
been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side o… more »
Ballons
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what
are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny
to ask his at dad breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be
forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget.… more »
An old lady's bet
A little old lady entered the main branch of the Chase Manhattan bank
with a large grocery bag in her arms. She told the teller that she
wanted to open an account to make a substantial deposit, in excess of
$200,000. Further, she said that since such… more »
12 Tips From an Analyst
"12 Tips From an Analyst to a (Managing Director, Director, VP
basically everyone with a higher ranking) on How to Enhance the
Relationship"
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00
p.m. and then bring it to me. The challenge of… more »
Dead horse
The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from
one generation to the next, says that when you discover
that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to
dismount.
But in modern business (and education and government)
because heavy… more »
DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK
If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
Don't be irreplaceable: if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
It doesn't matter what you do, it only m… more »
Drug dealers Vs software developers
---------------------------------------------
Drug Dealers
Software Developers
---------------------------------------------
Refer to their clients as "users".
Refer to their clients as "users".
"The first one's free!"
"Download a free trial ve… more »
Excuses For Missing Work
If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told
me to clean all the guns today.
When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I
can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
I set half the cloc… more »
How do you achieve 103% ?
How do you achieve 103% ?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants more than 100%.
Well here's how you do that. Here's how you can achieve 103%.
First of all, here's a little math that might prove helpful in the future.
How does one a… more »
Prison Vs workplace
For all of you punks, something to think about (for a change):
In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a b… more »
Things to say at work
THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK, BUT CAN'T!
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of s**t.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set as… more »
To impress a client
I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks
ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner,
enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also
flying to Seattle, but she was run… more »
Two consultants
A McKinsey Consultant and an Andersen Consultant are sitting next to each other
on a long flight from LA to NY. The McKinsey Consultant leans over to the
Andersen Consultant and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Andersen
Consultant just w… more »
You know You graduated from b-school
YOU KNOW YOU'RE READY TO GRADUATE FROM B-SCHOOL WHEN
________________________________________________________________
1. You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.
2. You decide to re-org your family into a "team-based organizat… more »
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Plato:
For the greater good.
Karl Marx:
It was an historical inevitability.
Thomas de Torquemada:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it
take.
O… more »